Proposed Bill Protects Road Map From Being Defaced

The new Iowa road maps are being widely distributed across the state, but to mixed reviews. It is not accuracy or readability issues that have some people up in arms, but the pictures of Governor Culver and Lt. Governor Judge on the back of the map. Some citizens, upset with all the socialistic bills the Governor has signed this year, don't think they should have to have pictures of him and his lieutenant in their cars.

In response to reports that some motorists are blotting out, or otherwise covering up or defacing (no pun intended) these pictures, Senator Mike Connolly (D-Dubuque) has sponsored bill SF 590 which would make it a serious misdemeanor for anyone to "mark, cover, or otherwise alter" these pictures.

In a rare display of dissent in the Senate Democratic caucus, and a refreshing development for proponents of less government intrusion in the lives of citizens, Senator Frank Wood (D-Scott) has filed an amendment (S-3300) which would allow marking or covering of the pictures, as long as it doesn't bleed through the map. Explaining the reason for his amendment, Wood said, "I don't think the climate is such in Iowa that residents are ready for the government to tell them they cannot cover a picture on a road map." Investigation by this blogger has uncovered the fact that Wood's district is the one most affected by bleed through (see graphic above). Connolly has vowed to have the amendment ruled not germane to the bill when it comes to the floor for debate. Senator Roger Stewart (D-Jackson), whose district is very close to the reverse side of the pictures, is considering offering an amendment to the amendment which would also prohibit tearing the pictures off the map.

Senator Herman Quirmbach (D-Story) filed amendment S-3301, which would change the penalty in the proposed bill from a misdemeanor to a Class D Felony. Explaining the reasoning behind his amendment, Quirmach stated, "Once you allow defacing of one official state document, where does it end? We must send a strong message that we will not tolerate having our state publications defaced by political dissenters." On a related note, Quirmbach revealed that next week he plans to introduce a bill that would make possession of any book, magazine, document, or other publication that contains unfavorable references to homosexuality, gender identity, or related sexual behavior an aggravated misdemeanor.

***OK, calm down! It's political satire, people! I find myself having to add these disclaimers because there are some people who think something like the above (and the previous post about this blog being locked) is not out of the realm of possibility, given the laws we have already seen passed this session!***

Blog Closed by Executive Order

Fellow Iowans:

I regret to inform you that, due to its homophobic content, I have instructed my newly created WSM (Welcoming Speech Ministry) to lock this blog to prevent further posts by its owner. The authority for me to do this comes from the new "Fair Speech" law, which is Iowa Code Section, uh, well, we haven't actually passed that law yet, but it is coming down the pike. However, due to the hateful and bigoted nature of this blog, I cannot wait for a technicality in order to enforce this law. I'm sure you agree.

Recent polls show that 59% of Iowans believe this kind of intolerant and offensive speech should be stopped at all costs. 11 other states have taken such action against blog posters, and it is time for Iowa to do so also. I know you share my concern that someone might be offended because some intolerant religious fanatic thinks freedom of speech means he can publicly say that homosexuality is immoral. That's just wrong and we're not going to allow it in this state!

Now, I'm going to ask for your help to make Iowa (and the Internet) an even more welcoming place. Our new WSM only has a staff of 150 and a budget of $32 million, so we are going to need the cooperation of every Iowan. If you see a blog, or other website, that you can determine is based in Iowa which portrays any of the following behaviors (real or perceived) in any way that is not positive--gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transexual, transvestite, cross dressing, gender identity, questioning, etc.--please bring it to our attention immediately. E-mail the offensive link to stop_homophobes@wsm.state.ia.us, and the problem will be "resolved" within 24 hours.

Thank you for your participation. As a result of your effort, Iowa will be a safer and more welcoming place for all people.

-CAC

Note: If you are a minor, you are welcome to be a part of this important effort. Be assured that if your parents are jailed for their hate speech, you will be placed in a good, loving home where you won't have to worry about having antiquated, intolerant religious beliefs forced down your throat.

***NOTE - The above is fiction now, but could become reality in the near future if we allow the liberals to continue to take us further in the direction they have been taking us since assuming total control of the Iowa Statehouse***

Why wait until the last minute to implement a bad bill?

Unable to wait until the September 1 deadline Iowa school districts have to comply with the "Bully Bill" he signed into law earlier this week, an excited Governor Chet Culver demonstrates on a Waterloo elementary school child how he would protect students from bullies. The governor did not indicate if hard hats were to be issued to all students, or only students falling in one of the categories enumerated in the law.